Dear Groom, Don’t Treat Your Wedding Like a Burden

One of my favorite things about weddings is meeting and getting to know awesome people. I dig people who are excited about their weddings and about having unique photos. So it’s uber discouraging when I come across a groom who treats his wedding like a burden.

A few weeks ago I was doing a phone consult with a potential client. Up until that point I had been in contact with the bride via email. So far everything was great, she seemed excited, loved my work and understood the importance of photography. I was pretty excited to chat with this couple because it seemed like we were a really great fit.

So, we’re chatting along and solving some logistical problems – you know, how will we get from point to point be and at what time, ect. I help all my couples with choosing photo locations and planning the logistics so for me this was basic stuff. We talked a little bit about style and my relationship based approach – that I like to get to know my couples as best I can to make them feel more comfortable on their wedding day in front of the camera. All that was great, mind you, the entire time the bride is doing all the talking and asking – the groom hasn’t said a word.

Finally, the groom gets on the phone. The first thing he says is, “I’m the numbers guy and the way I see it – this wedding is already getting out of control.” This is a COMPLETE 180 shift from how his fiancee feels about their upcoming wedding. wow. He went on to be completely abrasive and rude telling saying that “I needed a sales pitch if I wanted to sell anything in this business”. (LOL) At one point, I could even hear the bride in the background say “omg, you’re making this so awkward.” Then he preceded to break down my packages into hourly rates – haha thanks for that!

The Problem

This kind of mindset causes a couple of problems in my eyes.

First It puts ALL the planning pressure and responsibilities on the bride, which kind of happens anyway so the least you can do is be ultra supportive and helpful when she asks for your help. Don’t make things harder for her.

Second If you’re not excited about your wedding and treat it like a burden – no vendor will want to work with you. And the ones that do – won’t go above and beyond because no one wants to work for someone who is always expecting the worst and treats others like dirt. Vendors love couples who are excited about their wedding – it makes us work that much harder to give you an amazing experience and a killer product.

Third You are not owed anything. When getting married, you don’t need to have a band or a dj or a fancy reception. You don’t even need amazing wedding photos – all of those things are luxuries not necessities. So acting like all your vendors ‘work’ for you and owe you something isn’t necessarily the right approach. You’re the one buying something from us, remember? Treat us with the respect that we’re due.

The Solution

Don’t take the gig. Immediately after the phone call I sent the bride and groom an email saying I could not photograph their wedding. The entire phone call went straight down the tubes the minute the groom started speaking, and boy am I glad it did. Because if the groom is acting this way now, imagine what I’d have to deal with throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. No thanks.

Now, I know there are many, many vendors that do not have the luxury of turning business away because the client was rude or abrasive. But I do, and I put my all into every wedding that I photograph. I simply refuse to work with people like this – my time is worth more.

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